The One Who Wanted More

by Cheese On Bread

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credits

released April 6, 2018

Music by Cheese On Bread
Lyrics by Dan Fishback

Cheese On Bread is: Dan Fishback, Matthew Keesan, Kevin Kelly & Sara Kelly

With contributions from Daoud Tyler-Ameen & Matt Katz
And guest performances by Alice Buchanan, Rafael Bustamante, Angela Carlucci, Shea Diamond, Mikey FitzSimmons, Andrew Lederman, Louis Lopez, Molly Pope, Sammy Tunis and Santiago Venegas

Recorded by Charles Burst at Seaside Lounge Recording Studios
Additional recording by Matthew Keesan in Brooklyn and Los Angeles
Mixed by Jason Carmer
Mastered by Paul Gold at Salt Mastering
Produced by Cheese On Bread
Album Art by Sara Lautman

Executive Producer: Jack FitzSimmons

Thank you to Dibson T. Hoffweiler

Thank you to Kickstarter Backers:
Danielle Thomson
Brandy Nicole
David Danish
Michal Ward
Maxine Phillips
Judy Carpenter
Rob Levy
Billy Rosen
Deb Haas
Sylvia Devietti
Tyler LePard
Austin O'Connor
King Friday
Christine Phillips
Jeff Lewis
Naomi Huth
Josh Bushinsky
Sandy Kilcourse
David and Barbara Fishback
Kaleb
Richard Reczka
Anna Bracewell

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Track Name: The One Who Wanted More
Wake up!
You didn't think I'd be this ugly or articulate.
Make up
Some bullshit story bout where you need to go, go, go.
Shake up
All of my feelings about romance and intimacy.
Hey what
Do I have to do to make you look me in the eye?

I'm the one who wanted more.
I walk into the room and your friends feel really really bad for you.

You'll see: I don't wanna be a burden to anyone.
You'll see: I don't wanna be a punchline to anyone.
You'll see: I don't wanna be a monster to anyone.
You'll see: I don't wanna be a doormat to anyone.

I'm the one who wanted more.
I walk into the room and your friends feel really really bad for you.
Track Name: Worthy
I never had trouble believing I was worthy
It came like a language, it came like a song
So when they tried to break me, I just laughed into their words
I knew they were stupid, I knew that they were wrong

But you accept it so easy, you think they know who you are
You say you’re not worthy but you are, you are

I never had trouble believing I was worthy
And that's why I'm strong enough to fight you
But just don't resist my love
You can't resist me anymore
And if you try to push away
I'll finally go, I'll finally walk right out the door

Cause you accept them so easy, you think they know what you are
I don’t know why you still believe them just remember
You say it’s too early, but I know that you’re a star
You say you’re not worthy but you are, you are

You're clawing at me as I'm pulling you out of the fire.
You've been trying to kill me as I'm dragging you to safety, baby.
I've been giving you all my love, oh oh oh
Why don’t you want it? Your name is right on it
You read it right on it, it’s written right on it

I never had trouble believing I was worthy
But once in while I doubt that I do
It lasts for a second then it snaps right back in place
I’ve just been so tired of fighting with you

Cause you accept them so easy, you think they know who you are
I don’t know why you don’t believe me, just please hear me
You say it’s too early, but I know that you’re a star
You say you’re not worthy but you are...
Track Name: Doggies
Fun! We’re gonna have fun
Now that we are one on one and everyone is either asleep or dumb.
Games! We’re gonna have games
Cuz you know that if we slumber in this slumber party, then the party was in vain.
And who are those doggies in the window? They’re you and me!
And your boyfriend’s running round like “Have you seen my dog?”
Well those doggies in the window are being as good as they can be
As long as they are careful what they touch.

We’re gonna kiss everything but this and that.
We’re gonna feel but we mustn’t feel too good.
This ain’t real but it sure is happening!
Gonna kiss everything except where you sing.

You bet I won my own bet.
Cause you know I knew you knew that this was gonna happen ever since the day we met.
But, hey: I didn't count on shame.
Cause even if I never knew you knew I wanted to, I might have let you lose the game.

And what are those doggies doing now with their teeth and claws?
And what are you pulling on me now with your rules and laws?
If those doggies keep on tussling will they make it through the night?
Well maybe if they're careful where they bite!

We’re gonna kiss everything but this and that.
We’re gonna feel but we mustn’t feel too good.
This ain’t real but it sure is happening!
Gonna kiss everything except where you sing.

Hear the hounds growling. Smell their snouts scowling.
The hounds of hugs are hunting: Arf arf aaoooo!
With their stupid fangs nibbling the willing,
The hounds of dumb are hunting, Arf Arf Aooo! Arf arf Aooowww! Chewing on my heart to puke it on the ground…

We're gonna say everything but this and that.
We're gonna fight, but we mustn’t fight to win.
This ain’t love, but it sure is frightening!
Shoulda kissed everything except where you sing.
Track Name: Bad Friend
"He was wrong to write that but his writing is so boring.
Too stupid to incite the symphony you’re scoring.
You’re too old for shit this small
But you’re much too young to a-ban-don it all."
Meanwhile I’m screaming all the time,
“You’re perfect you’re fine.”

You know I bit my tongue when you’ve been petulant and galling.
And I was there to lift you up whenever you were falling.
It’s been appalling.
Now you say that no one loves you.
I’m like “What about me?”
You’re like “What, me who?”
Well it’s the me who’s been here all the time.
Whatever never mind.

I’m missing the good parts of a bad friend
And I fear they’re gone for good.
It went from a good start to a bad end
And I wish he would
Come home, come home to the way I know he can be.
I wish he’d come home, come home to me.

We’d sing everything we’d write before I was your mother.
Two hot young dykes at night, we’d listen to each other.
Now you don’t hear anything
And I don’t hear feelings when you sing.
Just slick, flat iPhone melodies.
Listen, please.

I’m missing the good parts of a bad friend
And I fear they’re gone for good.
It went from a good start to a bad end
And I wish he would
Come home, come home to the way I know he can be.
I wish he’d come home, come home to me.

You’d rather be right than be happy with my love.

Show me you understand the things I try to tell you.
Don’t throw up all that guarded trauma that befell you
Cause I can smell you.
Retweet if you use feminist dogmas to avoid accountability in lesbian processing.
Reply if you prefer friendship to fame.
Favorite if same.

I’m missing the good parts of a bad friend
And I fear they’re gone for good.
It went from a good start to a bad end
And I wish he would
Come home, come home to the way I know he can be.
I wish he’d come home, come home to me.
Track Name: The Party Dance
I wanna follow you out tonight, but the party’s invite only.
Toni Basil keeps you bright, Toni Morrison keeps me lonely.
Jim Morrison keeps you hot, Jim Jarmusch keeps you boring.
Jenny Hudson’s on all night, Jenny Holiday’s one night only.

Cause it’s party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I never go to...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I want to go to...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I need to go to the party, I need to go...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in yr pants.
Teach me the party dance.

I wanna follow you out tonight, but the dress-code there is nothing.
Lil Kim says go ahead, Kim Gordon says wear something.
Kim Deal says have a beer, Kim Shattuck says whatever.
Kimya Dawson groans at me and lends me a wool sweater, so whatever.

Cause it’s party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I ought to go to...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I think I might go...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I really should to the party. I really should go...)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in yr pants.
Teach me the party dance.

You smell like the undead when you walk on by,
Looking tragic, trailing magic from your bed, when you walk on by.
You wanna dance, you wanna grind, but you’re not your skin, when you’re your mind.
You wanna sing, you wanna song, you wanna sang, you sung it wrong.
And so it’s

[Sara: I'm leaving my house now, I'm on my bicycle, I'm all alone, I'm so alone]

Cause it’s party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I'm leaving my house now.)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I'm on my bicycle.)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in the place where I never go (I'm all alone at the party. I'm all alone.)
Party all the time, party all the time, party in yr pants.
Teach me the party dance.
Track Name: How Much Hotter?
I've been feeling time brushing up against my skin and like
I can live without my drugs tonight.
I can live without my armor right?
I can have fun tonight.
Doesn't matter if my load is light.
Doesn't matter if I'm no one's bride.
Doesn't matter (does it?) cuz I got that pride.

But I can feel it go cuz I remember every no,
Every time I got shut down every boring runaround.
I can feel it burn cause all I see is all I learn,
Nothing borrowed, only blue, something old I never knew.

How much hotter do I have to get
Before the boys I like will like me too?
And how much cooler do I have to get
Before my desperation seems aloof?
And how much wiser do I have to get
Before I stop running the same old track?
How much smarter do u have to get before u like me back?

Love sick! And totally out of control of my feelings!
But I know that I'm worth your time,
I've put up with too much hiding.
I'm sick of never getting to act on my feelings.
I need somebody to play with me, consensually.

And I should have it now,
Everything about me tells u how.
Everything about me's like oh wow.
Everything about me's like bam-pow.

It's me, snuggling in bed with my trophies.
Badges ribbons and decorations,
Best in Patience.
It's you, admiring everything lovely about me,
But with a scholarly distance in your eyes,
Like an intellectual exercise,
So I can always just stimulate your mind.
But what about mine?

How much hotter do I have to get
Before the boys I like will like me too?
And how much cooler do I have to get
Before my desperation seems aloof?
And how much wiser do I have to get
Before I stop running the same old track?
How much smarter do u have to get before u like me back?

So I'll just stay right here.
I'm stickin with the Wiccan with recording gear.
Gotta get a little giggle when yr life's too queer.
Gotta live a little louder when yr light's unclear.

But I can feel it grow,
And now my heart is gonna blow
Chunks of hope on everything.
Gotta clean a little glimmer off the window of my wonder while I'm thinking.
It's the danger zone,
Cuz I can't live my life alone.
Gimme the truth now minus the tude,
Just gimme a decent answer dude.

How much smarter do you have to get? (Before you like me back)
How much cooler do you have to get? (Before you like me back)
Before you like me back
Before you like me back
Before you like me back
Track Name: Squirrel Squirrel Squirrel
I have my thoughts.
I think right through them.
I got my shots.
I turned into them.
I live alone.
I have a visitor.
He needs a comb.
He is my sister.

He’s been around.
I’ve been a square to you.
He’s underground.
He won’t be there for you.

He’s a SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL.
He lives in the GARBAGE.

I know him well.
He’s the reverse of me.
He makes me swell.
Oh how perverse of me

He’s a SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL.
He lives in the GARBAGE.
You want to NUZZLE him.
You want to CUDDLE him.
uh uh uh uh uh uhhhh...

FUZZY WUZZY WUZ A BEAR.
FUZZY WUZZY DIDN’T CARE.
FUZZY WUZZY STOLE ALL MY MONEY,
HE'S STICKY WITH HONEY YEAH YEAH YEAH!

FUZZY WUZZY WUZ A BEAR.
FUZZY WUZZY DIDN’T CARE.
FUZZY WUZZY STOLE ALL MY MONEY,
HE'S DRIPPING WITH HONEY YEAH YEAH YEAH!

FUZZY WUZZY WUZ A BEAR.
FUZZY WUZZY DIDN’T CARE.
FUZZY WUZZY STOLE ALL MY MONEY,
HE'S STICKY WITH HONEY YEAH YEAH YEAH...

Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel...
Track Name: Love-Hater (Hate for Love)
I love the way you ooze a lazy haze.
I love the way you never understand the plots of plays.
But I hate your brain and I hate your heart,
And I hate the way they don't function.
Given enough time, I'd commit a hate crime
If I had enough gumption.

I love the way men cry when you attack.
I love the way you sneer when you talk smack.
But I hate your soul and I hate your God,
And I hate your stupid apartment.
You can't find your keys, you don't know where your pants are,
And I don't know where my heart went.

I may be full of hate for you, but you are full of hate for love.
And you insist that it's not true, but I know what you are made of.
I've seen you run away from beauty once you've had your way.
And that sounds like a hatred to me, unless you're just afraid.

I could feel for you a lot of things, like sad or sorry,
But I'm saving them for me.
Suck it up! Ship it out!
All the love and hate you got me.
Dress it up! Prettily!

I love the way you make me feel so twee.
I love the way you see the mouse in me.
But I hate your band and I hate your shoes,
And I hate your bourgie new boyfriend.
I try to understand I don't have to choose
Between hate and love when it all ends.

I may be full of hate for you, but you are full of hate for love.
And you insist that it's not true, but I know what you are made of.
I've seen you run away from beauty once you've had your way.
And that sounds like a hatred to me, unless you're just afraid.
Track Name: I'm So Glad You're Going Out of Town
Wow. It’s showtime for you now.
We applaud and you bow,
And the worst thing in your life is me.

Stop. You’re up at the top now.
You cry when you look down
Cause you wish that I could be happy.

And I’m so glad you’re going out of town
So I could go out at night,
And I won’t have to see you

Acting nice and sweet to everyone,
Including me.
Please stop being nice and sweet please.
Track Name: Primary Partner in Pittsburgh
Getting too old for this. Getting too old for my face.
Animals they never plan this far.
Getting too old for the 20-year-olds in the sticky sunny place,
Getting too old for the things you said in your car.
But I’m getting used to it, I’m getting used to the thought
That nothing in my life is gonna last.
So you’re the perfect teacher as I’m learning how to lose.
Cause you’re gonna wreck me but for now I’m having a blast.
I’m having a blast

With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You got a long way to go
With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You gotta split up your soul
For your primary partner in Pittsburgh
I’m not in control
Of your primary partner in Pittsburgh
Oh no.

But he’s getting used to it. He’s getting used to the thought
That the only one he loves is gonna leave.
He’s just another impossible lover ignoring common law
That every kiss is a kiss that he’s going to grieve.
And you’re getting used to it. You’re getting used to the thought
That everyone you love is gonna die,
So you are stock-piling suitors;
You’re smiling but I know it’s hard
When every tongue-kiss hello is a kiss good-bye.
You’re kissing good-bye

To your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You got a long way to go
With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You gotta split up your soul
For your primary partner in Pittsburgh
I’m not in control
Of your primary partner in Pittsburgh
Oh no.

But I am too young for this. I’m still too young for the thought
That no one single love can be enough.
So I’ll play along though I’m playing all wrong
Cause you’re still all I want,
And every law is a legend when it comes to love
And you are in love, you are in love

With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You got a long way to go
With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
You gotta split up your soul
For your primary partner in Pittsburgh
I’m not in control
Of your primary partner in Pittsburgh
Primary partner in Pittsburgh
With your primary partner in Pittsburgh
Primary partner.
Track Name: TV Star
Different strokes are at the show.
Perfect strangers in the bed.
I hear recorded laughing.
I see the way you’re acting
Half the way into my dreams.

Facts of life are hard to learn (You’ve been acting like a TV show).
A different world is on the rise (You just want to move the plot along).
I miss hearing you laughing.
I’m sick of all your acting
After all of our scenes.

You’re still movie cute
When they’re Emmy-nominating you.
But tell your agents and the trades I can’t
Keep watching anymore.
Your show screens are boring me to screams.

Who’s the boss when i am gone? (You forgot to thank the screenwriter).
Living single step by step (Maybe you should move back to New York).
I miss hearing you laughing.
I miss hearing you singing, bringing beauty to me.
Track Name: Oh OK
Exes on the apps? Don’t have a relapse.
Say: Oh, ok.
Screaming subway tots, then stops between stops?
Say: Oh, ok.
Stupid shit is trending? Oh, ok..
Mom is condescending? Oh, ok.
Jehovah’s Witness calling? Oh, ok.
Someone thinks the wrong thing? Oh, ok.

Honey it’s beyond you! Bro, don’t put it on you!
Oh, ok!
When he’s acting like a dick, sis. You don’t have to fix this!
Oh, ok!
When the world commands there’s more than you can handle,
You can close your eyes and say: Oh, ok.

Favorite rappers beefing? No debriefing.
Say: Oh, ok.
You can open Twitter but don’t let it make you bitter,
Just say: Oh, ok.
A famous actor cheating? Oh, ok.
A stranger says a mean thing? Oh, ok.

Cutie quoting Stalin? Yo, it’s not your problem!
Oh, ok!
Creepy comment creature? You don’t have to teach her!
Oh, ok.
Fuckery is bloomin, but you’re only human.
Take a human breath and say:

"I’m saving my heavenly energy!
I’m not buying the drama you’re selling me!
I’m saving for starting the revolution.
And so it’s half begun.
So I ain’t cryin’ none!"

Bummer boys appear? Oh dontcha be a hero!
You can be a cameo!
The power to control who’s sucking on your soul,
It’s worth more than you know.
Everything is breaking, every time you’re waking.
You know what to say: Oh, ok.
Track Name: All Your Sisters
All your sisters waving on a hillside.
All your sisters waving on a hillside.
No matter what you think of you,
No matter what you cannot do,
You see all your sisters waving on a hillside.

All your sisters marching in the street now.
All your sisters marching in the street now.
No matter how it hurts today,
No matter what you cannot say,
You see all your sisters marching in the street now.

All your sisters burning down the mansion.
All your sisters burning down the mansion.
No matter how you feel below,
No matter where you cannot go,
You see all your sisters burning down the mansion.

All your sisters planning for a new world.
All your sisters planning for a new world.
No matter what your life is like,
No matter if you see the light,
You hear all your sisters planning for a new world.

All your sisters wishing you the good dream.
All your sisters wishing you the good dream.
No matter what they do to you,
No matter what they plan to do,
You hear all your sisters wishing you the good dream.

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